I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
