Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
