So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
