Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
