My hair reeks of homosexuality.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize