He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
