can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
