my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
