Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
