Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
