I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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