Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
