Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize