They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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