I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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