Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
