Jerry, you need to find god
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
