we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
