This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
