fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize
