she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
The power of my boobs compel you
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
