There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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