The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
