I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
