I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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