Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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