Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
