Your mouth is God's brothel.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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