hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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