Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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