you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
