i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize