Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
