is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
