Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
