I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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