dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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