So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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