My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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