I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
