Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize