Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
