Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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