she looked like the bat from fern gully.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
