I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
