Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
