btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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