it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
