I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
