It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
