Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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