bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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