I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
