this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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