Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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