She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
