Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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