my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
This couple is walking their pig around campus
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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