I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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