Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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