well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
