Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
