Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
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