Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
