so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
