i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
