Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
