im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
