he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
