i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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