I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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