I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
