it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
