are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
