I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You may now shotgun with the bride
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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