somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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