none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
